Thursday, December 10, 2009

Forgiven

It's been a little while since a post, I'm not really sure anyone checks this thing anyways ;) Well, here goes... I'm home at the moment. Last week we drove halfway across the country - all the way to Montana and Wyoming and back. It was a crazy trip really, exhausting for an old guy like me. The trip really put our bus to the test too. Sub zero temps, running 24+hours straight, and then turning right around to come home. Everything seemed fine all the way to Billings, and even down to Wyoming where the temp got down to zero. But then once the temp settled down near -15 we started to have problems that prevented us from making it home after the last show. Tired and stuck in a small town in Wyoming we weren't really sure what to do. Having stopped at a gas station about 40 minutes into our return trip home we noticed that the front of the bus was sitting super low. Buses like ours have an incredible air system - and by air I don't mean like AC. The air that is required for the air ride suspension, is the same air that is used for the braking system and to park the bus among other things. It's so important in fact, that there are two systems really, one being an auxiliary system just in case the primary goes out. Now you might be saying, "chris, aren't you just a guy in the band, shouldn't you be more worried about guitar-related things and not about the mechanical workings of a bus?" Well yeah that's a good point. And I can't really say I wish that were true because deep down I love this kind of stuff. I enjoy being the guy that has the privilege of getting to the bottom of such problems and then making it all work again. I have some good support from the guys too. So back to Wyoming... We barely had enough clearance between the tires and the wheel wells by the time we were done fueling to even make a mild turn and park the thing over night. Having done so in the nick of time we decided to just let it sit and deal with it in the morning. Well I awoke to the lovely smell of diesel fumes and -15 degree weather at about 6am. The bus was now sitting even lower and the engine was doing its' best to stay alive in the frigid weather. Long story short, some great guys that had helped with the show the night before came by later that morning and brought some portable diesel heaters and a tarp. We aimed the heaters at the frozen air lines and sure enough in no time the bus began to rise to its' normal level. They helped us get it down the road to a shop where they even took care of our bill! Wow - we couldn't believe it. We were back on the road that evening and made it all the way home in about 24 hours thanks to some amazingly generous people in Wright, Wyoming.

So here I am at home after all that has transpired and I'm still feeling fairly shocked because now a diesel mechanic friend of ours here in town put a new compressor on the bus for us basically free of charge. I'm thinking wow God is pretty awesome. But low and behold right when the bus is suppose to leave town tonight to do a run with some friends of ours for the weekend - boom! the bus springs a massive transmission leak. Literally transmission fluid everywhere just a few hours before our driver was going to take the bus out tonight. It's cold here in our home town as well, not nearly Wyoming temps, but close enough to not feel the difference. So needless to say I'm bummed, our driver is bummed, the other band is bummed. I'm left trying to figure out how to tow the thing to a 24hr shop, but hear that the other band found a backup bus and we're off the hook for the night. I deserted the bus and came home - which is where I sit now.

So I'm thinking 'why does all this stuff happen?' Even in the midst of God's grace in the other mechanical situations It's still my nature to feel bummed out in the here and now. We've definitely been through somewhat of a tough time lately just as many people have with their finances and trying to figure out how to pay for things like this... you know sanctus real isn't as popular as miley cyrus (sarcasm), and to be honest there has been a lack of shows lately and a lack of income because of it. There have been some serious sacrifices we've made this year to keep this thing going and to be honest a lot of questions being asked as to how to push forward in a way that makes the most sense. I'd be lying if I said we didn't feel insufficient, insecure, or talented enough to continue to make music in an industry that is more competitive than anyone this side of the dial would ever let on. We definitely struggle with feeling 'good enough.' Someone always has a 'better' song or sells more records or has a more successful tour, a better site, a better amp, or cooler merch to sell. I convince myself that that is it - someone always has something better to sell....

So with these thoughts of defeat in my head I sit down now and somehow land on our band website. I start to read stories from our 'Forgiven' page. I guess In the midst of everything else I too easily and all too often forget that after almost 13 years of doing this we actually do have music out there that connects with some people on a heart level. Maybe it connects with them more than me even. And that's when it hits me tonight - reading these stories, that most of these people get 'it' more than I do. By that I mean the grace that comes with Forgiveness. God's desire to cleanse us of everything that separates us from Him is a freedom that these people have found. Though I have not experienced some of the tragedies those that have shared have, I find myself in the same place... desperately needing forgiveness for so many things and ways of thinking. Ways that I have convinced myself I'm not good enough. The habit of overlooking the positive to only see the negative. The lie that I'm suppose to be selling something that's better than what the other guy is selling when all the while I should be pedaling grace.

I'm encouraged by the stories I've read tonight. And I'm not going to worry about the transmission on the bus, or how we're going to pay for it. Or about where our songs sit on the chart, but instead I'm going to be concerned with accepting forgiveness. Most importantly so that I can move on and experience a life more full of grace. A life where I understand that a God that is entirely concerned with our redemption will not let me idle in a state long enough so that I would be unable to accept that redemption.

Isaiah 55:6
Seek God while he's here to be found, pray to him while he's close at hand. Let the wicked abandon their way of life and the evil their way of thinking. Let them come back to God, who is merciful, come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness.

11 comments:

Therese said...

Hey Chris,

I'm sorry to hear about the hard times you guys are going through. I can't even imagine how difficult life on the road must be.

I'm truly thankful for everything you guys do. I've never heard any other band with such sincere and heartfelt lyrics. I am so excited for the new album! I know it'll be incredible! When it's nominated for a Grammy hopefully Toby won't steal it again. ;)

We'll be praying for you guys and your families! :)

"Cast your burden on the LORD and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." (Psalm 55:22)

seansqrl said...

Chris,
Wow! Thank you for being so transparent. God's timing on when He grants us His perspective is awesome and never ceases to amaze me. I have been so moved by many of your songs. Three in particular. I was making horrible choices and was about to walk out on my marriage and I happened upon your c.d. with "I'm Not Alright," and "Don't Give Up On Love" on it. I listened to them over and over again. Sometimes crying them at the top of my lungs in the car. God met me through those songs and was able to turn me around, wake me up, and set me on a much better path. Recently, "Forgiven" is at the top of my list. God is walking me down a much more subtle path of refinement and the enemy would like me to go back to when I was unfaithful, blind, and stupid. Satan wants me to beat myself up about who I've been instead of me walking in His infinite grace to peddle that grace to others. I was driving to work the first time I heard "Forgiven." It sums up everything I have been praying about and going through. I am very grateful to all of you for your faithfulness and steadfastness. I will pray for all. I am sorry I have not thought to do so in the past. Thank you again and if you are ever in Virginia look us up.
Amber and the Smith Clan

SacrificeofPraise said...

Never thought about you guys having the same struggles we all have. It was good to read this. As a beginning songwriter, I look at people in the recording industry with a sense of awe... forgetting that we all are human with the same struggles! Thanks for that.

Also, gotta let you know that your song Don't Give Up saved me from making a terrible mistake that would have possibly destroyed my marriage. It played on the radio at just the right moment in my life. You guys are blessed and used of God!!

I pray he will provide for your every need along the way and fulfill your every dream for the band!

Blenderman345's Blog said...

We're still here reading you blog Chris!
:)
God Bless You,
what you do won't be forgotten. You're leaving your legacy.

And your post really gave me something to think about. Thanks for that too.

J

Jevans said...

Chris,

Totally appreciate your honesty and at the same time your ability to sit back from the immediate situation and to see God at work. We rarely know the end, or how we will get there, but God does promise us to never leave us or forsake us, and knowing that we can know that he is with us each step of the way, and that his grace and mercy will never run out.
Thank you for doing what you do,

Jon

Cathryn4Christ said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us Chris! Your ministry is so amazing, God has blessed with you guys with extreme talent!

God loves you right where you are, but He doesn't want to leave you there. - Max Lucado

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing your experiences here with us with humility and genuineness.

Book of James said...

First time reader, long time listener. Thanks for sharing your trials and struggles.

Jesus pulled us, all of us into and made us a part of the greatest story ever told. How can we go into our lives and not be changed by that?

When we worship we relive that story, when we pray we relive that story, and for me when I listen to Sanctus music it helps me relive that story!

Thanks you for helping to keep my eyes focused on the story.

Rockermom said...

wow Chris, this blog was definetely worth the wait (yes we do read them and wait patiently for new ones). Sorry to hear about the rough times you guys are going thru but blessed by how faithful God is and how he turns everything around for His glory. I'm thankful for your ministry and many sacrifices.

Blessings to you, your family and friends. Have a wonderful blessed Christmas. Much love!

audrey hiebel said...

Hey Chris,
I hope your problems with the bus are solved easily and quickly. I just wanted to say how inspiring and amazing your music is to me. You guys are definitely my favorite band ever.
I recently saw you guys preform in Indianapolis at the youth convention (you fist pounded me!!) and since then i haven't been the same. My entire life has changed, and now i live for god and it shows in everything i do. so thank you guys so much for bringing me closer to god and his amazing mercy and grace.

Unknown said...

Hey Chris,

Thanks so much for being transparent with us! You guys have given so much to us, and maybe it's time to give back...

My husband was unemployed for all of the past year, and we had no consistent income. We learned how God provides so faithfully, and what giving is all about in God's fam, when the Holy Spirit would prompt people to help us pay our bills and buy groceries, which we would not have been able to do otherwise.

We are asking God to allow us to help a tiny bit with the bus transmission. Would you guys post somewhere on your website how much it will cost, and where we can send a check, so those who want to can contribute?

Thanks for the opportunity to serve God's servants!!

Nita